An email from the hubs. (Copied and pasted from BlackBerry email to WordPress BlackBerry; sorry if formatting is screwy…).
1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .’My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab.’I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs – – – and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.’
Big breaths,’. . . I instructed.
‘Yes, they used to be,’… replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a ‘massive internal fart.’
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient’s two week follow-upappointment with his cardiologist, he informedme, his doctor, that he was having trouble withone of his medications..
‘Which one?’. … . I asked.
‘The patch…The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!’
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see.Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal ofthe old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,I asked, ‘How long have you been bedridden?’
After a look of complete confusion she answered . .. .’ Why, not for about twenty years – when my husband was alive.’
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-Corvallis , OR
6. I was performing rounds at thehospital one morning and while checkingup on a man I asked . . .’ So how’s yourbreakfast this morning?’
‘ It’s very goodexcept for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seemto get used to the taste.’. . . Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produceda foil packet labeled ‘KY Jelly.’
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,Detroit
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Roomwhen a young woman with purple hair styledinto a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a varietyof tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,entered .. …. . It was quickly determined thatthe patient had acute appendicitis, so she wasscheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operatingtable, the staff noticed that her pubic hair hadbeen dyed green and above it there was atattoo that read .. . .’ Keep off the grass.’
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeonwrote a short note on the patient’s dressing,which said ‘Sorry . …. . had to mow the lawn.’
Submitted by RN no name
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.I was quite embarrassed when performing femalepelvic exams… To cover my embarrassmentI had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughingand further embarrassing me.I looked up from my work and sheepishly said… . .’ I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?’
She replied with tears running downher cheeks from laughing so hard . . .’
No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .’ I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.’
Dr.. wouldn’t submit his name.