Would You Keep Reading This Book?

I’m about to bang my head against the wall…

No matter what I do, I can’t get the intro to this WIP right! It’s like my muse knows what she’s trying to say, but she can’t communicate her vision to my brain. The result? I’ve worked and re-fracking-worked the beginning of this story so much, I hate it. No matter how I change it, I still hate it. Which is where you all come in…

After reading the following excerpt, would you continue reading the book? Or would you toss it? If you’d toss it, please tell my why. Maybe getting some opinions on this will help me out of this funk and I can finally get it right! 🙂


It was now or never.

In two days, Sophia’s best friend would ship out for his third tour in the Middle East and he might never return. Never return. The words left a void in her soul. She could hardly fathom living the next eighteen months without Bret. So picturing the rest of her life without him?


Bret was her rock. The only man besides her father she trusted explicitly. A man she’d willingly trust with her life. A man she’d die for, even if she’d never told him just how much she cared

She fought back the regret that pressed against her ribs. She should have told him about her feelings before now, but he was the brave one. Not her. He was the kind of man who had the personal courage to defend his country in battle—quite possibly with his life. And her?

Well, she was just a pathetic coward without the personal fortitude to tell the man she loved how much she cared. But no more. Tonight, she’d finally tell Bret Dowers the truth she’d been hiding for so long.



About Brandi Evans

erotic romance writer
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5 Responses to Would You Keep Reading This Book?

  1. Lynn Crain says:

    It works for me, Brandi. And to be honest, it was your first line that did for me. Why? Because the first thing I asked myself, what’s now or never? Racing a car? Having sex with that special someone? Telling someone they love them? Being brave enough to ask that special someone out? The list goes on and on.

    Without a good hook, it wouldn’t have worked at all. I think you have a great hook here and would leave it as it is.

    Just my honest opinion.


  2. Honestly, it would really depend on how long the book is. Short book? Yes. Long book? No, simply because it’s a lot of info dumped in the reader’s lap right at the outset. But if you have to get up and running in the first five hundred words, it serves its purpose.

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